Written on February 10, 2023
A LOT has happened since my last post, in fact, I haven't logged on to write in what feels like decades... but recently something began stirring in my heart again. This unavoidable calling (which feels like FIRE) to finally RELEASE these writings and allow myself to be vulnerable in my creativity, in order to make room for what is to come.
You see, it's just as important to RELEASE as it is to give that initial YES to those desires we hold within. When we say Yes, we discern, and when we release, we take action. Discernment and action are two of the most pivotal points of any decision.
Writing a blog, much like dance, requires the rawest, most vulnerable parts of ourselves to be displayed, judged, and even critiqued. This fear of being vulnerable has had a tight grip on me for the longest time, and it's been hard to shake off.
In dance, it's easy to get caught up in the inauthentic motions of "I must perform at all times" and "I have to fake it till I make it"... but underneath all those layers of difficulty there is a splendor of glory within the freedom of expression- radiating with the pure desire to spread goodness, beauty, and truth... and somehow... all the difficulty becomes worth it. This is the same for writing and really any form of expression. Yes, it's vulnerable but it is through our honesty where someone in the world will feel seen, known, and hopefully loved.
There is this FIRE within me that has been tugging and tugging on my heart for years (my gosh, I must be the most stubborn person on this earth) and it's been telling me to continue dancing, to write, and live for something greater than myself. The beautiful thing is that this calling never abandoned me. In my stubbornness, in my denial, in my fear- it kept on coming back- or rather, it waited in patience for me to return. That is how you know when something is truly for you. IT DOES NOT PASS YOU BY, it won't rush you, and it will wait, in joyful hope, for your surrender.
I am reminded, yet again, of the story of The Prodigal Son. Where the Father welcomed his estranged son with open arms and everything he had. The Father did not hold resentment, bitterness, nor hostility toward the stubbornness, denial, and fear of his son- but rather, he welcomed him with mercy, humility, and most importantly, love. The son FINALLY responded to the call, the tug, the FIRE in his heart to go back home, and it was there where he was finally set free...
Like the son in the story mentioned above, I needed to take space away from dance, writing, and creating. I needed room in order to heal and appreciate my gifts. When I took the space to realize my unalterable identity as a daughter of God, and the beauty of how Jesus works within and through me, I gained the courage to let go and release. I now show up differently. I show up without the desire to please but rather, the fire to spread beauty in order to feed hope.
This is the raw, real, honest, and authentic part of Patrizia. And now, I can finally make room for what is to come.
Little by Little,
One step at a time.
We're going to make it.
Patrizia
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