~ Oh my word, I remember the insecurity that inspired this post. God has healed me so much since I first wrote this, and he still is healing me. This post was written in 2017 & to preserve the integrity of that season of my life, I did not revise or change anything. I want this to be as real and raw as possible. ~
Written on October 10, 2017
I just got back from a retreat called "Two Kingdoms." It spoke about the kingdom of heaven and the one on earth and how more often than not, we place our identity in the ideas of this world that can be fleeting, rather than on the eternal glory that is awaiting us in Heaven. I'm so guilty of this because I've definitely had moments where my imperfections have consumed my way of thinking. But did you know that idols aren't always things that are pleasurable? Insecurities can become idols too.
During day 2 of this retreat, God showed me that I had placed my biggest insecurity on a pedestal, idolizing the idea of it. What I didn't know was that Idolizing doesn't always have to be something you adore because if an insecurity robs you of your joy or makes you doubt that God is so much BIGGER than your flaw, then it can become an idol too. This places your insecurity on an unreachable mountain without letting God really Heal you. What I mean by letting God really heal you is this: Maybe ask God to take away the importance you place on your biggest insecurity and to change your perspective of it. I used to try and pray away my insecurity like "God take this away because I know you can and you are a God who can do the impossible!" **Cue angelic psalms and gold dust falling from the sky...**
With it being true that God can do the impossible, sometimes He doesn't change your situation because He is trying to change your heart.
God calls us to take a different approach. He calls us to pray about our blindness in seeing the insignificance of that flaw! He shows us that any minor imperfection is so unimportant and fleeting compared to what is held within the heart and our mission in this life! We are called to pray for God to unveil our minds and free us from the enslavement of seeing ourselves with little worth. To not pray away the flaw but to pray about our perception of the very thing that is eating away at our happiness.
For the past couple of days, I've been reading a prayer I've written in my journal to break free from this enslavement and I already feel lighter! (I'll include it down below). I'm already starting to thank God for this flaw- which is something I NEVER thought I would do because all I could ever focus on was the amount of hate I had for it. What I never realized was that the hate and comparison were eating away at my thoughts and robbing me of my joy. God doesn't want us to live like that! The enemy tries to place lies, discouragement, and deceptions in our minds and we must fight back with prayers of protection and thoughts that bring LIFE because we're in a spiritual war within these Two Kingdoms. Instead of complaining to God, we should catch the enemy in the act of twisting any good that can come from this cross and reject his plethora of lies in Jesus' Holy name. I surely need to work on this every day.
It is way easier to believe that we're ugly rather than beautiful because we live in a world consumed by unrealistic expectations on every commercial and magazine cover. It's difficult to grow up in a world that idolizes beauty but we must pray to see the truth because these things are not what matters, it is what we hold within that makes us beautiful and the way we treat others that will make a difference. Sin warps good into bad and sin is easy. Grace is hard but Grace is enough. Love God because he will teach you how to love yourself which is when you can love others.
I invite you to join the journey with me and try to take a few minutes every day to pray for healing on your perception of your biggest insecurity. To maybe even thank God for it! Friends, God is SO much bigger than our flaws and the plans he has for us are far greater than anything we could EVER imagine! His love and His plans outweigh the cost of our cross. Only He knows why we are struggling with this cross but I can promise you that the Glory of God and our mission for him on this earth, is so much more important than this insecurity we are sometimes placing on a pedestal over God.
Habits take some time to form but how beautiful would it be if you no longer felt consumed by this flaw, if you could actually feel relief and freedom from the bondage it had on you for so many years. Let us see this insecurity as a gift from God to humble us and let's continue thanking God for the gift of sacrifice because the victory is already won and He paid the ultimate price for our ultimate healing.
Look at yourself straight in the mirror today, and tell yourself You Are Beautiful because you are. You are a beloved child of God and a MASTERPIECE of the creator of this earth.
Tell your mountain about your God and finally be Free.
We are Free, my beautiful friends.
Love Always,
Pati
~inspiration~
~ God is so good that he allowed me to write this on October 10th, 2017. The Jesus Always entry for this day reads,
"A TROUBLESOME PROBLEM can become an idol in our mind. If you consistently think about something- pleasant or unpleasant- more than you think about Me(Jesus), you are practicing a subtle form of idolatry. So it is wise to examine your thoughts.
Most people view idols as things that bring pleasure. But a chronic difficulty can captivate your mind, taking over increasingly more of your mental activity. Becoming aware of this bondage is a huge step toward breaking free from it. When you find yourself dwelling on a persistent problem, bring it to Me and confess the mental bondage you're experiencing. Request My help and My forgiveness, which I freely give. I will help you take captive every thought to make it obedient to Me.
I am teaching you to fix your thoughts on Me more and more. To achieve this goal, you need both discipline and desire. It's vital that you find pleasure in thinking of Me- rejoicing in My loving Presence. Delight yourself in Me, beloved; make Me the Desire of your heart."
Jesus Always October 10th
(Acts 10:43, 2 Corinthians 10:5, Hebrews 3:1, Psalm 37:4)
~Prayer for Freedom~
Lord, I ask for a deeper outpour of the Holy Spirit within my heart. Unveil my eyes to see the truth and unblind me. I ask for a greater love of Gods word and an even greater belief that you are enough and I am enough.
Lord, I need freedom from this insecurity that I've been giving into. Freedom from the need to look a certain way in order to know my worth. My identity does not lie in how I look or the opinions of others. Free me from this. Unslave me from the blindness and clear my vision. Allow me to see myself the exact way that You see me.
Lord, I give you the freedom to work within my heart and my mind, work in my habits and in my life- I need your help for the Holy Spirit to set me free. Heal me O'Lord from the lies and deceptions of the enemy that I believed, and heal me from the thought that I am not beautiful because of my imperfections. Holy Spirit, I ask for the humility and grace to change the things I need to for this healing to win.
In Jesus Christ's righteous and almighty name, Amen!
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